Hello. My name is Fossil, or at least that's what the tag says. I know wallets can't talk, but please make me an exception. I'm one of those cheap off-brand wallets, you know, with the so called 'genuine leather' and the sprayed on meaty musk. The usual clientele would be grade-school boys, over-eager to act adult so they purchase manly wallets of my caliber. Well, imagine my surprised when I was purchased and fitted with a driver's license that belonged to a 16 year old female! (the other Fossils are probably having a good laugh with this)
I'm four years old (that's 16 in wallet-years) now and my owner is currently 20 years of age. I've seen a lot of receipts, discarded membership cards, in my day. From my current contents, I was able to compile information about my owner: Her name is Pauline and judging from her last name, she is of Hispanic origin. She is enrolled at the Everett Community College, though I can't be sure of how many quarters she has taken. After comparing her earliest and more recent physical statistics, I found out that she is a recent victim of the 'Freshman 15' phenomenon. (jumping from 105 to 120lbs *ouch*) However, equipped with a membership card to a gym & aquatics center, I'm sure she's planning on reversing it. There's a bunch of expired/obsolete cards in here, as well; frequent buyer cards for various bookstores and video game shops and a crumpled sushi points card. With college, I doubt she has the time or the finances for costly hobbies or interests. (the gasoline gift-card signed 'From Mom', the 4 one dollar bills and the lone debit card, prove my point)
Proud of my sleuthing, I relayed my findings to my owner.
“Oh, Fossil, while all of that is true, there's a lot more to me than being profiled as a starving college student.”
“Really?” I, Fossil the $8 wallet, was taken-aback.
“Really. For example, I'm actually a very deep person who values self-introspection, yoga, existentialism and Jamba Juice. Plus, I have long term ambitions I'm committed to which include traveling the world and doing genome research.”
“Cool!” I exclaim in awe.
“I doubt what we own is an accurate indicator of who we are, even though there are people who believe that what they own defines them. Remember this, Fossil, even if you know the contents of someone's credit card, it's useless without their pin number.”
“What?!” I almost did a double-take.
“I mean, even if you know the contents of someone's wallet, you're only profiling them on a superficial level,” she corrected.
“Oh... Um, anything else I need to know?”
“I bet you never would have guessed that I was vegetarian,” she grinned.
“Wouldn't that be hypocritical, since I'm leather?” I half pondered, half questioned.
“Er, um, but alas the damage to those poor cows have been dealt, that bit can't be reversed. Gotta live in the present, right, Fossil?”
“I guess,” I agreed half-heartedly.
“Anyways, please don't talk to me in public. I don't have anything against wallets, Fossil, but other people are beginning to stare.”
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